The Fox Hasn't Got a Clue
by Artistically Insightful
Summary: In which Eric Carr walks in on Ace and Paul getting frisky but is too innocent to realize it. Because two boys can't have sex right? So he just kind of sits on the bed and tries to talk to them...


**A/N: So I've been working on a new kiss fanfic and it's going to be kind of long. I'm taking a short break from writing it and in the midst of my break BAM, I was hit with this very silly idea. Enjoy XD**

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Paul and Ace were making love fervently on a queen-sized bed. Paul's legs were wrapped around Ace's hips as the guitarist made love to him, his hips going in small circles. The couple was draped in a comforter that covered Ace from the shoulders down. Paul tried to get him to take the damn thing off of them but Ace was in one of those oddly modest moods. He probably sensed that they weren't going to be alone for long.

Paul wrapped his arms around Ace's shoulders and pulled him down for a kiss, resenting the comforter coming down with Ace as well. Ace trailed soft feather light kisses from Paul's mouth to his jawline and neck. Paul let out little whimpers of pleasure as he threw his neck back to get more kisses.

The moment was broken by the door slamming open. Paul went stiff as a board and strained his neck to see who it was, he had to move the blanket over a little to get a peek.

It was none other can Eric Carr.

Eric didn't react like a normal person would, you know, just leave. Nope. He instead plops down next to the couple.

Ace looks over to their intruder, his eyebrows furrowed in amusement,''Hey do you mind?''

Eric blinks at them a few times not seeming to understand what Ace was referring to. He shrugs,''Well Gene's busy with his groupies so I'm bored with nothing to do...''

Ace snickers,''Well I was quite busy doing something myself until you made yourself comfortable over there...''

Paul covers his face with his hands feeling that he was going to die from embarrassment. Ace was still hard inside of him. This was the most awkward thing he'd ever experienced in his life and he just wanted it to end.

''Do you mind Eric!?'' Paul growled through grit teeth.

''Oh hi Paul! I thought that was you! You two wrestling or something?'' Eric asked cutely. Too cute for his own good. Paul wanted to be mad but the innocence in Eric's tone melted some of the anger away before it boiled over.

Ace snickers again,''Oh wrestlin'? Yeah, we're wrestling all right...'' Ace grinds down in quick circles hitting Paul's sweet spot a few times causing the lead singer to slap a hand over his mouth to stifle the moans.

Paul grabs a hand full of Ace's hair and yanks it hard enough to make Ace tap out next to Paul's head. Paul doesn't let go though, he's much too irritated by the cock pressing onto his prostate to let go any time soon.

Ace screams uncle and taps down on the bed harder.

Paul finally let's go with hellfire shining in his eyes.

Eric looks on amused,''Are you guys always this...weird...?''

Paul hides his face as he tries to wiggle Ace's cock out of him but it seems to have the opposite effect. Ace starts wiggling with him and it feels so good Paul has to hide his whiny moan behind a very forced cough.

''Are you two dancing?'' Eric asked giggling.

''Get out of here Eric!'' Paul snaps harsher than intended.

Eric flinches alarmed by the sudden shouting. Paul regrets being so harsh because the cute little fox starts to look hurt and Paul has to look away in shame.

Ace pouts and wiggles a little,''That wasn't nice Paulie...''

Paul yanks Ace's head down so that he can whisper in his ear,''Pull out!''

Ace pulls back from Paul but doesn't pull out,''That's no fun, Paulie...''

''Ace...I will kill you!'' Paul growls looking like Regan from The Exorcist just before she starts levitating.

Ace flinches at the glare, slides out of Paul, and rolls off of him pulling the covers up to his chin.

Eric sits there looking puzzled,''Why are you guys hiding under the covers?''

Paul sighs and pulls the covers over his head. He couldn't look Eric in the eyes. He felt humiliated beyond repair.

Ace tucks the covers under his chin and rests his bare arms over the covers placing one hand over the other as though he is a school teacher,''Well little Eric. When a man and a woman love each other very much...''

Eric's eyes went impossibly wide and Paul lets out an agonized groan from under the covers.

Eric looked to be on the verge of a panic attack,''Y-You guys...were...Why didn't you just say so!?''

Ace cracked up and shook his head,''We thought it was obvious...I was laying on top of him for Christ's sake!''

''I-I...I didn't think of it as a possibility...You're both boys!'' Eric argued.

Ace doubled over laughing again.

Paul wanted to punch him so badly.

Eric looked embarrassed as he said,''Well...I thought you guys were straight...And since we get so many groupies I didn't think any of this could be happening... doesn't it hurt?''

Ace looked to be considering his question,''Yeah I guess...but we're used to it by now...we've been fucking since 75' ya know...''

''DON'T FUCKING TELL HIM THAT!'' Paul roared from under the covers.

Ace shrugs looking proud of himself,''What? I can't brag a little? I'm proud for landing such a gorgeous babe...''

Paul went silent. He just laid there basking in the praise.

Ace always knew the right things to say. After a few moments, Paul mumbles,''Smooth talker.'' from under the covers and Ace can't help but cackle some more.

Eric looks very confused as though he wants to ask a question but instead looks to the side nervously. Ace sighs and tells Eric to just ask the damn question.

Eric blushes and looks around a little before asking,''So um...who's the girl?''

Paul groans unhappily from under the covers and Ace laughs so hard that he smacks his head on the headboard. After his raucous laughter calms down Ace cups a hand next to his mouth and whispers,''Paul's the girl...''

Paul's fist swings under the covers and hits Ace dead in the gut.

Ace buckles over and coughs dramatically before wheezing out,''You don't punch like a girl though...''

Eric giggles and says,''I can see Paul being the girl...he's really feminine. So he's the mom. And you're like a drunk laid back dad...''

Paul let out a laugh that sounded more like a scream from under the covers.

Ace looks as though he's thinking over what Eric said before he shrugs and accepts that he's the drunk ''dad'' of the group,''Actually, I've been told that I'm the drunk uncle...Gene used to call himself the mom but we moved him to dad and Paul is the mom, I'm the drunk uncle and you're the clueless kid...''

''Hey! I resent that!'' Eric says pouting.

''Hey! I didn't know you knew such a complex word!'' Ace condescends playfully.

Eric rolls his eyes snickering,''Whatever...Wait...wouldn't that be incest then? If Paul is the mom and you're the uncle?''

''I'm Gene's brother by blood so technically I am Paul's brother-in-law, but Gene doesn't need to know that I've been sleeping with his wife behind his back for years now does he?'' Ace deadpans.

Eric looks horrified as he digests everything that Ace just said to him.

Ace's face is still flat and sarcastic,''I was jokin Eric.''

That doesn't seem to soothe Eric's mind or answer any of his questions. The poor little fox is fiddling with his thumbs and looking around the room nervously. A sly smirk forms on Ace's face. Eric was so easy to rile up. He was loving it.

The door swings open and in walks Gene in just pajama pants.

Paul groans,''Did I fucking hear that door open!? Did Eric just up and leave?''

Gene cocks an eyebrow,''What's going on in here?''

Ace grins,''When a man and a woman love each other very much...''

''Aaaand that's my cue to leave!'' Gene says turning back around.

Ace whines,''No! Might as well stay! Eric sat on the bed while we were having sex so now we're used to an audience!''

Gene turned around slowly, his jaw dropped comically as he chuckles darkly,''No way...''

Eric hides his face in embarrassment,''I didn't know that's what they were doing! I thought that they were wrestling and being weird!''

''Soooo you didn't notice the clothes on the floor? They're...right there...'' Gene points to the couple's discarded clothes.

''They're both boys okay!?'' Eric argues.

''Soooo you forgot that gays exist?'' Gene asks looking amused.

''I know that gay people exist but I didn't see Paul or Ace in that light...I never thought that they were anything other than best friends...''

''Oh boy...'' Gene says cackling,''This is amazing! I wish I was in here...Did Paul die of embarrassment?''

''Yup...he's still dying.'' Ace said giggling behind his hand. Paul kicks Ace from under the covers.

''Well little fox now you know that both a man and another man can love each other very much and consequently scar you for life...'' Gene says snickering.

''Well...I didn't see anything so I'm okay...they were hiding under the covers...'' Eric said with a shrug.

''I wish I got that luxury back when I ran in on them fucking in the studio. On my speakers no less.'' Gene said bristling at the memory.

''Heeeey! You said you weren't gonna mention that again! It was an honest mistake...I was high off my ass and Paul...Paul was just being horny adventurous Paul...'' Ace says with a smirk.

The smirk was quickly wiped off by Paul kicking him again.

Eric sighs,''This band is weird...''

''Think of this as a band initiation...You're not an official member if you haven't run in on those idiots rutting like rabbits...'' Gene said bitterly.

''Everyone get out of my room now!'' Paul yells throwing the covers off of his face.

Ace frowns at him defiantly,''I'm not leaving till I get a nut busted...''

''Aaaaand now it's time to go!'' Gene said hurriedly with Eric not far behind.


End file.
